Amish Midwives Read online

  She looked up again. “Lester owned his own roofing company before he died, and I didn’t have the first clue about running it. After the accident, I sold our little haus and the company and then moved in with Marlena. By then, both of my parents were gone, and Marlena insisted I not live on my own.” She winced, and her cheeks flushed pink. “There I go, talking about myself too much.”

  “You’re not.” I’m enjoying it, actually. He felt his smile fade. “I’m sorry about your parents and Lester.”

  She shrugged, then lifted her glass of water and took a long drink. Soon the waitress appeared and set their sandwiches in front of them.

  After bowing their heads in silent prayer, they began to eat, and an awkward silence fell over the table. Aidan racked his mind for something to say, but he drew a blank. It seemed like only yesterday conversation flowed freely between them, but that was before their breakup.

  “How does it feel to be back?”

  Aidan looked over at her as she studied him.

  “It feels . . .” He struggled to find the right word. “Odd.”

  “Why?”

  He set his sandwich on the plate and sighed. “It feels strange to be one of the oldest bachelors in the unmarried men’s section at church.”

  She nodded as understanding flashed in her eyes. “I know what you mean. It feels strange to be the youngest widow in the married women’s section.” Then she looked pained. “I’m sorry. I’m taking over the conversation again.”

  “No, no.” He shook his head. “Go ahead.”

  “No, you talk now.” She took another bite of her tuna melt.

  “I’m sorry I missed Lester’s funeral. If I had known sooner, I would have tried to come back in time, but mei dat told me after everything was over.”

  “I wouldn’t have expected you to come back.” She picked up a potato chip and popped it into her mouth.

  “What happened to him? Mei dat only spoke briefly of an accident and couldn’t bring himself to talk about the specifics.”

  She frowned. “He was carrying a box of shingles up a ladder to a roof. He lost his balance, fell, and broke his neck on impact.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “I had wanted him to stay home that day, but I didn’t tell him. I just had this feeling that I can’t explain.” She sniffed and her eyes filled with tears. “You’d think I’d be over it by now, but grief is an unpredictable thing.” She wiped at the tears hanging from her long lashes and then ate another chip.

  Aidan swallowed a bite of his sandwich as silence once again fell over them.

  “Do you miss Ohio?”

  He shrugged. “I miss some of mei freinden.”

  She picked up a chip and paused to study him. She hesitated only briefly before leaning forward. “Whatever happened with Louise?”

  He was almost certain he detected resentment in her voice. “It just didn’t work out between us.”

  Her forehead furrowed and then relaxed. He longed to ask her what she was thinking, what the look on her face was concealing.

  “I didn’t feel a strong connection to my community in Ohio, so it made sense to come back when mei dat offered me the farm,” he continued. “My parents are talking about moving into the daadihaus and giving me the haus, but I told them it’s not necessary. I didn’t bring much with me, and I’m fine living in my old room.”

  “Did you get rid of all of those mystery novels you used to collect?”

  He paused, surprised by the question. “Ya, I left them when I moved to Ohio, and mei mamm donated them to the library. I didn’t buy too many books in Ohio, and I donated the ones I had before I moved.”

  “I’m surprised you parted with them. I remember what a voracious reader you were.”

  He shrugged. “Ya, that’s true. I plan to visit the library soon, but I’m sure I won’t need a whole haus for my things.”

  “I understand. I’ve actually thought about asking Richard to build me a daadihaus,” she said. “I feel like I’m in the way sometimes. And with their third boppli coming in June, they’ll have even less room. Marlena insists that I’m a big help, but I still worry.”

  She looked down at her half-eaten sandwich. “On my way to the grocery store, I stopped by the little haus Lester and I bought. The memories were overwhelming.” She paused and picked at her paper napkin. “I never thought I’d be thirty and a widow, but I’m froh to have my sister’s family.”

  “I thought I’d be married and have a family by now too.”

  She looked up at him, and their eyes locked for a heartbeat. Questions swirled through his mind. If they had stayed together, how different would their lives have been? Would they have been happy?

  Was there any chance they could work through their differences and start over?

  He dismissed the last thought, shaking his head as if to dislodge the wild notion.

  They spent the remainder of their lunch talking about old friends. Once their plates were clean, he paid the bill, and then they walked outside together, crossing the parking lot to their waiting horses and buggies.

  “Danki for lunch,” she said as they stood by her buggy. “I’ll see you at church.”

  “Be safe going home.”

  “You too.” She waved goodbye and then climbed in.

  As he walked away, he once again wondered what could have been.

  But he put the thought out of his mind as he climbed into his buggy and started down the road. Kristina would only ever be his friend. If he could only convince his heart to believe that.

  Five

  Marlena hurried down the porch steps and met Kristina at her buggy. “You’re finally home. I asked Richard to check the messages to see if you’d left word. I thought maybe you’d been called out to deliver another boppli.”

  Kristina opened the back of the buggy and yanked on the cooler. “No, I got delayed at the grocery store.”

  “Delayed?” Marlena asked as they lifted the cooler together.

  “I ran into Aidan.”

  “Really?” Marlena’s grin was wide as they set the cooler down on the ground.

  Kristina ignored her sister’s excitement and closed the back of the buggy.

  “Well, what happened?” Marlena asked, joining Kristina and picking up her end of the cooler to bring it into the house.

  “We talked, and then he asked me to have lunch with him.”

  “And you went to lunch?” Marlena’s eyes sparkled in the afternoon sun.

  “I did.”

  They reached the porch, and Kristina freed one hand to yank open the door. They entered the house one at a time and then set the cooler down on the kitchen table with a thunk.

  “Kristina, you need to tell me exactly what happened.”

  “It’s not a big deal!” Kristina opened the cooler and began pulling out produce. “We had lunch and then went our separate ways.” She crossed to the propane-powered refrigerator and stowed the produce.

  “You’re infuriating.”

  Kristina faced her sister, who frowned at her, her forehead wrinkled. “Now why do you say that?”

  Marlena wagged a finger at her. “You just had lunch with your ex-boyfriend, and you’re acting like it was just an ordinary day.”

  Kristina paused what she was doing and moved her hands to her hips. “I’m telling you that nothing happened. I talked about Lester, and he talked about how strange it felt to be back in the community. Then he paid for my lunch, and we left.” She shrugged. “See? No big deal.”

  But that wasn’t exactly the truth. Kristina couldn’t believe how she’d poured her deepest emotions out to Aidan. What was it about him that made her feel so comfortable? Perhaps he was manipulating her into trusting him only to hurt her again. Or maybe she was just lonely and desperate for a man’s attention. She swallowed a groan.

  “That is a big deal!” Marlena took Kristina’s hand. “He’s reaching out to you. Maybe he wants to try again?”

  Kristina pulled away from her and b
egan unloading packets of lunch meat into the refrigerator. “I seriously doubt that.”

  “Why?”

  Kristina pivoted toward her again. “Because I wasn’t gut enough for him ten years ago. Why would that have changed by now?”

  Marlena blinked at her. “Why do you think you weren’t gut enough for him?”

  “Don’t you remember what happened? Aidan and I were together for two years, and we planned to get married. Then he wrote Louise and told her he was going to break up with me and move to Ohio for her. He betrayed me.” With her hands trembling, Kristina returned to the cooler and pulled out the rolls and bags of pasta she’d purchased.

  Marlena worked in silence beside her, putting the cans of soup away.

  “Kris,” Marlena finally began, “have you ever considered that maybe God led Aidan back here to give you both another chance at love?”

  Looking over at her sister, Kristina guffawed. “You honestly believe that?”

  “Why not?” Marlena looked confused.

  Kristina rested her hand on her hip. “I already had a wonderful love with Lester. I don’t need to get married again.” When her sister opened her mouth to respond, Kristina held up her hand. “Don’t tell me I’m too young to be alone. I’m fine.”

  Marlena gently took hold of her arm. “But you are too young, Kris. Just think about Marian Ebersole. She was twenty-seven when her husband died. She remarried, and now she has three kinner. Don’t you want your own kinner?”

  After taking in a deep breath, Kristina forced her lips into a smile. “Let’s put away these groceries before the chicken and beef defrost.” She pivoted back toward the cooler and pulled out the frozen meat.

  As she rearranged the freezer to make room for her purchases, her thoughts churned with memories of her conversation with Aidan. What had he meant when he said it hadn’t worked out with Louise? Perhaps he cheated on her too.

  Her frustration simmered, and she tried to push all thoughts of him out of her mind. But his handsome face and radiant smile lingered there, taunting her. She had to find a way to kick him out of her mind permanently.

  But it seemed an impossible task.

  * * *

  The chattering of the sewing machine sounded above Aidan as he stored the groceries he had picked up for Mamm. After placing the loaf of bread in the bread box, he made his way up the stairs to the sewing room, located beside his bedroom. He found Mamm hunched over the machine, working on a new dress.

  “I put all of the groceries away,” he said, and she gasped with a start.

  Placing her hand on her chest, Mamm took a deep breath as she faced him, her light-blue eyes round behind her reading glasses. “You and your dat love to sneak up on me. It’s a wonder I haven’t had a heart attack yet.”

  Aidan felt his lips twitch as he held his hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry. I thought you heard me on the stairs. You always say I’m heavy-footed.”

  “What do I owe you for the groceries?”

  “Nothing. I told you I want to contribute too.”

  “Danki. Would you like me to make you some lunch?”

  “No thanks. I ate.” He shook his head and then recalled his lunch visit with Kristina.

  Their conversation had been strained but also personal. And he felt like a dummkopp for sharing his deepest secrets with her. At the same time, he had a feeling that she had shared some very personal things with him too.

  He bit his lip and looked down at the floor. Why was his heart so stuck on Kristina?

  “Is something on your mind, Aidan?”

  He glanced up and found Mamm staring at him. He leaned on the door frame. “I had lunch with Kristina.”

  “Really?” Mamm’s grin was wide, making him regret he shared the news.

  “Yes, I saw her at the grocery store and asked her to have lunch with me.”

  “That is wunderbaar.” She rubbed her hands together. “I don’t think she’s dating anyone.”

  He held his hand up. “Both Kristina and Louise broke my heart, and I’m not ready to face that again.” He gestured around the room. “I have this farm to run, which is a lot of responsibility. I don’t need to add more stress to the mix.”

  “Having a family would help with the stress. If you had a fraa, she would be by your side, helping you with your responsibilities. And kinner are the greatest blessing of all, Aidan. Your dat and I prayed for more kinner, but we were grateful God blessed us with you and your schweschder.”

  Aidan stood up straight. “I need to get back out to the barn.” He stepped into the hall and then stopped when she called his name. He stuck his head in the doorway “Ya?”

  “God has the perfect plan for you.”

  He tapped the door frame and then headed back downstairs, through the kitchen and mudroom, and out the back door into the cool afternoon.

  His boots crunched down the rock path toward the barn, and he looked at the cloudless sky. As he stepped into the barn, he tried to push away all thoughts of Kristina. But she lingered there at the edge of his mind.

  “What are you trying to tell me, Lord?” Aidan whispered. “Am I imagining this strong connection to Kristina? Are you trying to show me something? Please lead me down the right path.”

  * * *

  On Sunday, a little over a week later, Kristina walked with Marlena toward the kitchen at the Bontragers’ house to meet with the women before the church service began. She carried Betsie Lin in her arms while Katy walked beside her, holding her mother’s hand.

  Kristina glanced over toward the barn, where men were gathering, and her eyes immediately found Aidan. He looked handsome dressed in his Sunday black-and-white suit as he stood beside Tommy and nodded at something he said.

  She studied his face and recalled the Sunday afternoons they used to spend with their friends—laughing as they played volleyball or picnicking by a lake. They had so many good memories, and then it was all ruined.

  Aidan met her gaze, and when he smiled and nodded, her cheeks flamed. She turned toward the house.

  “Let’s go see if Lydia Ruth made it here today.” Kristina picked up her pace. “You can meet her boppli, Katy.”

  “I love bopplin!” Katy announced as Betsie Lin squealed in agreement.

  Kristina walked into the kitchen, where she nodded greetings to the other women in the congregation. She spotted Lydia Ruth standing on the other side of the room holding her newborn against her chest. She excused herself as she made her way through the knot of women to Lydia Ruth.

  “Gude mariye,” Kristina said. “How are you and Thomas?”

  “We’re doing just fine.” Lydia Ruth beamed as she tilted the baby so that Kristina could see his face. “We’re tired, but we’re eating well.”

  “Oh, let me see.” Marlena came up beside Lydia Ruth. “You look fantastic.”

  Lydia Ruth chuckled. “You can’t see the dark circles under my eyes?”

  Marlena laughed, too, and then looked down at Katy. “Do you see the boppli?”

  “Boppli!” Betsie Lin reached for the baby.

  Kristina swiveled to move Betsie Lin out of reach. “Don’t touch.”

  Katy’s eyes widened as she looked up at the newborn.

  “How are you feeling?” Lydia Ruth nodded toward Marlena’s abdomen.

  Marlena touched her protruding belly. “Sore. But excited.”

  “I’m sure you are.” Lydia Ruth looked past Marlena. “Hi, Mamm.”

  Freda sidled up to Kristina and smiled at her and Marlena. “Isn’t my new grandson handsome?”

  “Ya, he is,” Kristina agreed.

  Marlena smiled. “You must be very froh.”

  “Oh, I am.” Freda reached for the baby, and Lydia Ruth passed him over. “I just can’t get enough of him.” She gazed down at Thomas as Marlena and Lydia Ruth moved on to other conversations. Then she looked up at Kristina. “Are you dating anyone?”

  Kristina blinked, surprised by the blunt question. “No. Why?”

&nbsp
; “I was just wondering.” Freda shrugged. “It’s gut to know you’re single.” Then she looked back down at the baby.

  Puzzled, Kristina turned toward Marlena, but found her talking to another member of the congregation.

  Kristina’s curiosity about Freda’s question followed her as she walked into the barn and sat with her sister. When the service began, she pulled out a small container of Cheerios and gave a handful to Katy before feeding a few to Betsie Lin.

  When the opening hymn began, Kristina balanced the hymnal in her hand while holding Betsie Lin on her lap. Betsie Lin wiggled down to the ground and moaned as she pointed to a spot on the bench between Kristina and Katy. After getting Betsie Lin situated and eating Cheerios with her sister, Kristina turned her attention back to the hymnal.

  She felt the sensation of someone’s eyes on her, and she glanced across the barn. There sat Aidan, smiling at her. Dizziness overcame her when her eyes met his, and she nodded in acknowledgment. Then she forced her eyes downward to focus on the hymnal.

  Her mind raced with new questions. She could remember what it felt like to love Aidan, but she had been so happily married to Lester, it was hard to imagine being as happy with anyone else. How could she even consider living a new life with Aidan? Why was she even wasting her thoughts on him?

  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she opened up her confused heart to God:

  Lord, when I see Aidan, I feel myself falling for him—and I’m afraid he’ll hurt me again. Even more, I’m scared I’m not strong enough to stop myself from allowing him back into my life. Please lead me, dear Lord. Show me where you want me to go.

  Then she opened her eyes and began to sing again.

  Six

  Aidan lingered outside of the Bontrager family’s barn after church and waited for Kristina to finish eating lunch. His gaze seemed to gravitate to her throughout the service, and he’d caught her watching him a couple of times too.

  While he had tried to concentrate on the minister’s holy words, he couldn’t control his wandering thoughts. He felt as if an invisible thread were drawing him to Kristina, and he had to know if she felt it too.