Winter Blessings Read online

  “No.” Ephraim’s voice was so forceful that she jumped.

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t want to be a brickmason. I want to be a farmer like mei dat and his dat before him. That land has been in our family for generations, and it’s my birthright to live on that land and raise my family there. If I have a sohn, he’ll inherit that land and run it.”

  Mandy’s shoulders wilted. “You won’t even consider another plan for us?”

  “That’s not what I want,” he insisted.

  She pointed to her chest. “What about what I want?”

  He lifted his hat and held it, leaning forward as if ready to leap up and leave. “So we’re back to this again.”

  “What does that mean?” Her voice vibrated with frustration. “This is a gut plan. We can delay the wedding, and—”

  “So not only do you want to still delay the wedding, but you also want to change our plan to live with my family on mei dat’s farm and change my vocation?” He gestured widely. “Why does everything have to change? Why isn’t our original plan gut enough for you, even if Darlene and her family are moving in?”

  She shook her head as angry tears filled her eyes. “It’s not a question of being gut enough for me. It’s a question of what makes sense for us. Your dat’s haus is too full of people now, and even though that’s temporary, you just said he has no idea when we can build a haus of our own.”

  She motioned toward the back door. “We have plenty of space here, and room to build another haus. Mei dat’s business is thriving. Why wouldn’t you want to work for him, especially now that your dat has Uria’s help? Being a brickmason is gut work. Is it not gut enough for you?” She pointed to him.

  He snorted. “You’re just spoiled.”

  “What?” She stood up and faced him. “How am I spoiled?”

  “Your haus is bigger than mine, and your dat’s business is more successful than mei dat’s farm. I’ll never be able to satisfy you with the life I can offer you as a farmer. My family isn’t gut enough for you. Maybe that’s what this is really about.” He picked up his lantern, stood, and started toward the porch steps. “Let’s just forget it all.”

  “Wait!” She lurched forward, grabbed his arm, and spun him to face her. “How did we wind up here?” She gestured between them. “I want to marry you. I want to raise a family with you and grow old with you. That has never changed. All I did was suggest we wait a while—”

  “And then change all our plans.” His expression crumbled into a frown. “It’s like I’m not the man you want or need anymore.”

  “That’s not true.” She cupped her hand to his cheek. “I want to be your fraa, but I think it might not be best for us to live on your dat’s farm. Circumstances have changed. Why is that so difficult for you to see?”

  “Because this is who I am.” He pointed to his chest. “If that’s not what you want, then it’s over.”

  “So that’s it.” She took a step back and hugged her arms to her chest as if to shield her crumbling heart. “You want to just break our engagement and end it all because I suggested living here and your working for mei dat?”

  He shrugged. “I guess so.”

  Mandy sniffed as her tears broke free. “I’ll miss you.”

  “I’ll miss you too.” He spun and walked down the steps toward his waiting horse and buggy.

  Mandy choked on a sob before stumbling into the house and the family room. Her parents and sister were sitting in their usual spots, reading.

  “Mandy?” Mamm set her book on the end table and leaned forward. “Was that Ephraim?”

  “Ya.” Mandy dropped onto the sofa beside Rhoda, her coat still on. “It’s really over this time. He doesn’t want to delay the wedding, he doesn’t want to live here, and he doesn’t want to work for Dat. He said if their haus and life on his dat’s farm isn’t gut enough for me, it’s over. He’s going to throw it all away because I suggested a different life for us.”

  Mandy succumbed to sobs as despondency whipped through her. She covered her face with her hands, and her lungs felt as if they would burst with her grief. How could things go so badly so quickly? It felt as if she were stuck in a nightmare!

  “Ach, Mandy.” Rhoda’s voice was close to her ear as she rubbed her back. “It’s not over yet.”

  “Ya, it is.” Mandy’s words were muffled by her hands. “It’s really over. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I was so certain he’d agree to live here. He said it didn’t matter where we live, but he meant where we live on his farm. He said he can’t abandon his family’s land. He has to be a farmer like his dat and his daadi. Shouldn’t it only matter that we’re together?” She tried to swallow back more tears, but her sobs overwhelmed her.

  “Shh.” Mamm appeared beside her and rubbed her shoulder. “Everything will be okay.”

  “No, it won’t.” Mandy looked up as Dat sat down on a footstool in front of her and handed her some tissues. She swiped them over her eyes and nose. “Nothing can fix this.”

  “That’s not true.” Dat glanced at Mamm, and they shared knowing expressions. “Your mamm and I had a bad argument shortly before we married.”

  “Really?” Rhoda asked.

  “You never told us that.” Mandy tossed the crumpled tissues on her lap and shrugged out of her coat.

  “We had a few disagreements, and we broke up for a couple of weeks,” Dat said. “We took some time to cool off and realized our pride was standing in our way.”

  “That’s true,” Mamm agreed. “But then one night your dat came to see me, and we talked for a couple of hours. Then he proposed again, and we were married a couple of months later.”

  Dat smiled at her, and the love in his eyes made Mandy’s chest ache. Would Ephraim ever look at her like that again?

  “I realized I wanted to be with your mamm more than I wanted to feel as if I were right about everything.” Dat touched Mandy’s cheek. “Your mamm and I had to talk it through. I think you need to find out why Ephraim is so upset. There must be more to it. Ask him to share more about how he feels, and listen to him.”

  “Your dat is right,” Mamm chimed in. “You might have hurt his feelings without realizing it.”

  “What if he won’t talk to me?” Mandy felt the tremble in her voice.

  “I’m sure he will. You just need to gently push him.” Dat brushed a tear from her face. “You and Ephraim love each other, but marriage is a lot of work. You both need to learn how to listen and to respect each other’s opinions and feelings. That’s a vital part of marriage.”

  “It’s a tough lesson, but it will help you work through any problems you face.” Mamm touched her hand.

  “Okay.” Mandy shuddered as more tears filled her eyes. “I just can’t imagine my life without him. I don’t want to lose him.”

  “You won’t lose him if you show him you care,” Mamm said.

  “And take a gut look at what you’ve said to see if you’ve accidentally hurt him,” Dat said. “You can work this out together if you’re both willing to be honest.”

  Mandy leaned against her mother and hoped her parents were right.

  Ephraim felt as if exhaustion and grief might drown him as he made his way from the barn to the house. He was grateful no one was in the barn when he stowed his horse and buggy. Now he just had to make it to his bedroom without a family member questioning him. He wanted to be alone with his confusing and agonizing thoughts.

  After hanging his coat and hat in the mudroom, he breathed a sigh of relief. The kitchen and family room were both empty.

  As he climbed the stairs, he heard voices echoing from the bedrooms above him. When he hit the second-floor hallway, he slipped into his own bedroom, closed the door, and set his lantern on his dresser. He sank onto the corner of his bed and covered his face with his hands.

  He’d never imagined his day would end with truly breaking up with Mandy. As he’d headed to her house, he envisioned they’d repair their relationship and agree to t
he original plan to marry in six weeks. He’d tell her they could ask some of their friends and other family members to help her with the wedding preparations, and she’d realize it didn’t matter if his father’s house was crowded for a while or how long it would be before they had a house of their own. Instead, their conversation had gone completely off the rails.

  How would he go on without her? She’d been his life, his future, and his heart for almost a year. Now he was left with nothing, alone. His eyes burned.

  A knock on his door startled him. He sat up straight and cleared his throat.

  “Come in.” He hoped his voice sounded stronger than he felt.

  The door opened, revealing Mamm standing in the doorway.

  “I thought I heard you come home.” She stepped inside. “Did you go see Mandy?”

  “Ya.” He tried to sound causal.

  “How is she?” Mamm studied him with what looked like suspicion.

  “Fine.” Ephraim rubbed at the stubble on his chin. “Why?”

  Mamm closed the door and leaned against his dresser. “We both know why.”

  Ephraim blew out a deep sigh. “Did Dat tell you or Katie Ann?”

  “They’re both concerned.” Mamm’s eyes filled with concern too. “Did you work things out with her?”

  Ephraim shook his head as a messy knot of grief choked back his words.

  Mamm sank onto the bed beside him and looped her arm over his shoulders. “What happened?”

  “We broke up for gut.” He tried in vain to clear his throat. “The wedding is off.”

  “But you two were so in love, and you had such a strong relationship.”

  “Everything fell apart.” He wiped at his eyes, hoping to keep his emotions at bay until after his mother left. But that was difficult as he told her about Mandy’s latest suggestions. “That’s not what I want. I don’t want to live with her parents, and I don’t want to be a brickmason. We argued, and then we broke up.”

  He paused as he tried to analyze his raging feelings. “I feel like she thinks our life here isn’t gut enough for her, as if being a farmer’s fraa isn’t as gut as being a brickmason’s fraa. Or maybe it’s not her. Maybe I’m worried that our life on the farm is too humble, and I’m projecting that onto her.”

  “You have no reason to be embarrassed by our life, Ephraim, and I doubt Mandy wouldn’t be froh living here. I think you’re both reeling from all the changes our family is facing with Darlene’s problems, and I’m sure planning a wedding so fast is stressful for her.” Mamm shook her head. “I’m sorry all your plans are in question because of your schweschder’s problems.”

  “It’s not your fault or Darlene’s fault. It just happened, and Mandy can’t adapt to it. That means we’re not supposed to be together.”

  Mamm cringed.

  “What?”

  “You’re permitted to change your plans,” Mamm said. “You can become a brickmason if you want.”

  He shook his head. “No. I told you. That’s not what I want. I’m supposed to be here. That’s what Dat and Daadi said when I was a bu, and I’m going to stick to that plan.”

  Mamm gave him a sideways hug. “No one said you couldn’t change your plans. We didn’t plan for Uria and Darlene to come here, but we’re froh to have them. If you want to build a life with Mandy working for her dat, then your dat and I will support you. This is your life, Ephraim. Your dat and I aren’t going to dictate it for you. We pray our kinner are healthy, froh, and that they stay in the church and follow God. The rest is up to all of you. These are your lives.”

  Ephraim contemplated his mother’s words and then shook his head. “That’s another thing. God wants me here, too, doesn’t he? I’m to honor mei dat. If Mandy can’t live with me on this farm, she can’t be mei fraa.”

  “Ephraim,” Mamm began, “you need to pray about that. I think you’re misinterpreting what I said.”

  “I’m not.” He swiped the back of his hand over his eyes. “I’m certain of it.”

  Mamm nodded. “If that’s what you believe, but I think you need to keep talking to God.” She seemed to study him. “Are you all right?”

  He gestured toward his pillow. “I just need some sleep.”

  Mamm stood and faced him. “I’m here if you want to talk more.”

  “Danki, Mamm.”

  “Gut nacht.” She walked into the hallway, gently closing the door behind her.

  Ephraim changed into shorts and a T-shirt, and then he climbed into bed. As he stared up at the ceiling, he recalled the pain in Mandy’s beautiful face, and grief swelled inside him once again.

  He missed her so much his heart ached, but he couldn’t allow himself to change his roots for her. If his grandfather’s farm wasn’t good enough for Mandy, then how could he satisfy her for the rest of their lives? Nothing he could ever give her would be good enough.

  Was he just self-conscious about the humble life he and Mandy would have on the farm and projecting that onto her? Was he so immersed in his own hurt that he wasn’t thinking clearly?

  He groaned and covered his eyes with his forearm. He only knew he missed Mandy and he grieved for the bright future that was at his fingertips a few days ago. It was as if their future had wilted and died like the leftover summer crops faltered when the cold weather invaded Henry’s garden. Was it too late to save their relationship, or would it wither as the ground grew colder?

  Rolling to his side, he sucked in a deep breath and waited for sleep to find him.

  CHAPTER 5

  Do you need help?”

  Mandy looked at the far end of the porch as Katie Ann walked toward her the following morning. “What are you doing here?”

  “Well, that’s a nice hello.” Katie Ann rested her hands on her hips.

  “I’m sorry.” Mandy sighed as she hung another pair of her father’s trousers on the clothesline that stretched from the porch to the barn. “Gude mariye.” She frowned. “I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

  “I’m sure you didn’t.” Katie Ann joined her at the laundry basket, picked up another pair of trousers, and handed them to her. “I’m sorry about what happened. Mei mamm told me the news. Ephraim won’t talk to me, but he’s talked to both Mamm and Dat, so I know what’s been going on. Despite mei bruder telling me to stay out of this, I would have come to offer you my support yesterday. But we had to move Darlene and her family to our haus.”

  “I know. Danki.” Mandy’s bottom lip quivered as she hung the trousers on the clothesline. “I don’t understand it. I thought my solutions made sense, but he got so upset, he broke up with me. As of today, I’m single again, and all my wedding plans were a waste.”

  “Mei bruder is stubborn, pigheaded, ridiculous, or whatever word you want to use to describe him.” Katie Ann handed her the last pair of trousers. “Just give him time to understand what he’s done.”

  Mandy hung the trousers on the line. “He was adamant that he’d never consider living here and working as a brickmason, and then he said I think I’m too gut to be a farmer’s fraa.” She looked down at the empty laundry basket and then at the full clothesline. “That’s not true. I can’t deny I’d like living here, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like living with your family. I just thought we had an option for giving you all a less stressful life.”

  “I believe you, Mandy,” Katie Ann said.

  “But I also keep thinking maybe this isn’t just him. It takes two for a relationship to work. Maybe I made a mistake, but if I did, I don’t know how to fix it. If I hurt him by accident, how do I fix what’s broken between us? My parents say I should talk to him and really listen, but I don’t know when he’ll be ready. I’ve never seen him like this.”

  “Why don’t we go inside and have tea?” Katie Ann rubbed Mandy’s arm.

  “Okay.” Mandy lifted the laundry basket and followed Katie Ann into the house.

  After storing the basket in the utility room, Mandy filled the kettle and set it on the stove while Katie A
nn took mugs and tea bags out of a cabinet. From upstairs her mother’s sewing machine chattered, telling her Mamm and Rhoda were busy working on projects for their customers. She set a container of iced oatmeal cookies on the counter and then pulled out sweetener and milk. Once the kettle whistled, Katie Ann filled the mugs and brought them to the table.

  They sipped their tea and ate cookies in silence for a few minutes. Mandy lost herself in regret, analyzing what she’d said, wondering what she could have said to Ephraim that might have changed the outcome of their conversation the night before.

  Katie Ann’s voice broke through Mandy’s mental gymnastics. “Mei mamm said Ephraim was really upset last night. She talked to him when he got home. He was heartbroken, so I think he’s going to realize he made a huge mistake.”

  Mandy fought the tears filling her eyes. “If he regretted it, why didn’t he come back to see me last night and make things right? He said some terrible things to me. He even called me spoiled because mei haus is bigger than yours.” Mandy wiped her eyes with her fingertips. “He was really mean. It was like he became another person.”

  Katie Ann pressed her lips together. “He’s always had a terrible temper. Do you want me to talk to him? I can try to make him realize how ridiculous he’s being.”

  Mandy shook her head. “I don’t think so. He’ll think I asked you to, and it might make things worse.”

  “I don’t think it could get any worse.” Katie Ann picked up another cookie and took a bite.

  “I just don’t understand it. I thought I was suggesting great ideas.” Mandy waved a cookie around for emphasis as her eyes stung with fresh tears. “Why does it matter where we live if we truly love each other?”

  “You’re exactly right. I understand he’s always wanted to be a farmer, but mei bruder is being a dolt. He’s letting his pride get in the way.” Katie Ann shook her head as she scowled.

  Mandy took a sip of tea. “How is your family adjusting now that Darlene and her family have moved in?”