A Place at Our Table Page 28

  Laura scrunched her nose as if smelling something foul. “I can’t see her going back to her ex-boyfriend so quickly after breaking up with you. She cares about you deeply. I could tell whenever I talked to her.”

  “Ya.” Cindy nodded. “I agree.”

  “I know what I saw, and she was holding his hand. I think deep down she always wanted him back. It’s really over this time, and now I need to figure out how to move on.” He got up and took a step backward toward the house. “I need to get a shower and start my chores.”

  “Wait.” Cindy clamped her hand over his arm. “Why don’t you cool down and then call Kayla at the restaurant later? Maybe you can have a gut talk after you’ve both had some time to think.”

  He sighed as he looked at his youngest sibling. Her heart was in the right place, but it was time to move on. “I appreciate the sentiment, but I think I need to accept it’s over.” Even though I have no idea how I can accept it.

  His sisters exchanged knowing glances, but he didn’t have the emotional energy to ask them what they were thinking.

  Laura suddenly smiled. “I have gut news that will cheer you up. Savilla had her boppli last night.”

  “Really?” He felt his scowl relax. “What did she have?”

  “A girl.” Laura clapped her hands together. “They named her Mollie Faith.”

  “That’s great.” He was grateful to have something positive to focus on. “They must be thrilled.”

  “Ya, they are.” Laura pointed toward the house. “Let me warm up breakfast for you.”

  “No, danki.” He shook his head. “I’m not hungry.” His appetite dissolved when he saw Kayla with Abram. “How’s Dat today?”

  Laura’s expression brightened. “He ate all his breakfast today and then went out to help Mark with the chores. I think they’re in the barn.”

  “That’s gut. That’s progress. He said yesterday that he’d try to help Mark with the milking today.” The tight muscles in Jamie’s back loosened slightly.

  “I’d hoped he’d have a lot more energy by now, but he’s getting there slowly.” Cindy’s eyes shimmered.

  “He will.” Laura rubbed her arm. “It’ll take time, but we’ll all get through this. We just have to take care of each other.”

  “Ya.” Cindy wiped away a tear. “We just have to have faith God will heal our hearts.”

  Jamie cleared his throat in an attempt to keep his emotions at bay. “I’m going upstairs.”

  “I really think you should reach out to Kayla again,” Laura called after him.

  “Danki for your concern, but I think it’s time to let it go.” As he stepped into the house, he overheard his sisters whispering, most likely analyzing his situation with Kayla. He tried to shove away the fury and betrayal boiling inside of him, but he couldn’t shake them. Kayla’s words echoed through his mind as he climbed the stairs.

  Just go back to the firehouse. After all, that’s your true love.

  Her words made him cringe. Didn’t she understand he had a duty to help his community? Simeon was a firefighter, so why didn’t she understand why he felt an obligation to help people?

  But I couldn’t save my own mother.

  Tension coiled in Jamie’s back as he hit the top step. He squared his shoulders, climbed the stairs to his room, and tossed his duffel bag on the floor. He sank down on the corner of the bed. The frame creaked under his weight as he covered his face with his hands and blew out a deep sigh that felt as though it had originated in his toes.

  A sinking despondency suffocated him as he flopped back and stared at the ceiling.

  As Kayla delivered two slices of shoofly pie to a table, the bell on the front door rang. When she turned, she saw Laura and Cindy. Alarm gripped her. Was Jamie okay?

  Kayla hurried over. “Gude mariye. Is everything all right?”

  “Ya, of course it is.” Laura pulled Kayla into a hug. “How are you?”

  Kayla relaxed. “I’m okay. How are you?” She hugged Cindy.

  Cindy gave her a shy smile. “We’re all right.”

  “What brings you out this way today? Are you doing some Saturday shopping?”

  “We were just visiting Savilla,” Laura said. “She had her boppli Wednesday night.”

  “She had a girl and they named her Mollie Faith,” Cindy added. “She’s so cute. They’re doing really well.”

  “Oh, that’s so wunderbaar.” Kayla clapped her hands. “I’m so froh for her and Allen.”

  Laura’s smile faded. “So how are you really?”

  Kayla gripped the edge of her apron as an image of Jamie’s angry face entered her mind. “I’m fine.”

  Cindy and Laura looked at each other, and she was certain they were communicating without words. Kayla’s neck stiffened with tension as she waited for one of them to speak.

  “You can be honest with us.” Laura touched Kayla’s arm. “We know you and Jamie broke up. He’s a mess, and we believe you two can work this out if you really try.”

  “Ya,” Cindy chimed in. “He’s really bedauerlich. He’s been sulking, and we’re worried about him.”

  “We wanted to see if we can help get you two back together,” Laura added.

  Kayla’s stomach constricted with anxiety. “It’s really nice that you want to help, but there’s nothing more to discuss. It’s over. We tried, and it just didn’t work.”

  The sisters glanced at each other again, and Kayla longed to run to the kitchen and hide.

  “Jamie isn’t eating,” Cindy said. “And I don’t think he’s slept much. He looks terrible.”

  Pressure clamped Kayla’s chest as she imagined Jamie’s pain. Not only had he lost his mother, but now he was dealing with the pain of their breakup. His words echoed in her mind.

  Oh, wait a minute—that’s exactly what you did to me too. You dumped me even though I’ve been struggling after losing mei mamm.

  She shoved the thought away. But he had hurt her! She was suffering. She hadn’t slept either, and she couldn’t get her last encounter with Jamie out of her mind.

  She needed to end this conversation. His sisters were wasting their time.

  “I’m really froh to see you both, but I don’t feel comfortable discussing this.” Kayla gestured toward the kitchen. “I need to go check on my customers’ orders.” She took two menus from the shelf under the stand. “Would you like breakfast?”

  “No, we have to go.”

  Kayla took a step backward, but Laura grabbed her arm and stopped her.

  “Please,” Laura began. “Don’t run off. We know Jamie has made mistakes with your relationship, but he hasn’t dated much. And we’ve all been dealing with a lot after losing our mamm. He’s had a tough time, and he needs you.”

  Kayla shook her head as Laura released her arm. “I know you want to help your bruder, but he hurt me too.”

  “Please give him another chance,” Cindy said. “We know he cares about you. He’s a gut man. He just needs a little patience.”

  Kayla blinked, stunned at Cindy’s support of Jamie. Did this mean she and Jamie had worked out their differences? Her heart warmed at the notion.

  “Do you care about him?” Cindy’s eyes were bright and hopeful.

  “I’m sorry, but I really need to get back to work.” She took another step away. “Danki for stopping by. Please tell Savilla and Allen congratulations for me.”

  “You do care about him, don’t you?” Laura challenged her.

  Kayla’s shoulders dropped. “Ya, I do, but it will never work between us.”

  Laura hugged her again. “I hope to see you again soon.”

  “Ya, I do too.” Kayla hugged Cindy. “Take care.”

  Laura and Cindy headed out the door, and Kayla slouched against the podium as if her spirit had been drained from her body.

  “I’ve been looking for you.” Eva came up behind her. “What’s wrong?”

  “Laura and Cindy were just here. They wanted to say hi and tell me Savilla had her bop
pli. Savilla is Laura’s best freind.”

  “Oh. That’s nice.” Eva studied her. “But what’s bothering you?”

  “They were really here to talk to me about Jamie.” Kayla’s thoughts tangled as she looked at her sister-in-law’s sympathetic expression. “I’m so confused.”

  “Kumm. Let’s talk.” Eva took her hand and led her toward the supply room off the kitchen. “Talk to me.”

  “I already told you what happened on Thursday when Jamie came into the restaurant,” Kayla began, and Eva nodded. “Laura and Cindy were trying to convince me to give Jamie another chance, but it’s too late. There’s nothing left to save. I wanted to feel like I’m first in his life, but he always put the farm and the firehouse before me. He even responded to calls when he wasn’t on duty. How can I have a lasting relationship with someone who doesn’t put our relationship first in his life?”

  Kayla fingered her apron as a knot of emotion clogged her throat. “I want a relationship like you and Simeon had. You never took each other for granted, and he always put you first.”

  Eva scanned the large supply room. She grabbed a step stool from the corner, opened it, and pointed. “Sit.”

  Kayla sank down onto the stool as Eva opened up another and sat down in front of her.

  Then Eva leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “You seem to believe Simeon and I had the perfect relationship and perfect marriage, but we had our problems like every other couple.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “We argued, we disagreed, and we hurt each other.” Eva smiled. “But at the end of the day, we always loved and forgave each other.” She sat up straight. “Simeon made his share of mistakes. In fact, he was a lot like Jamie. He would volunteer to take shifts at the firehouse for his freinden and not check with me first. One time we were supposed to visit one of mei freinden over in Lititz for a birthday party. Simeon called me up from the firehouse and said he wasn’t coming home because he agreed to take another shift for a freind who was ill. I was furious with him. I had told him about her party more than once, but he just completely forgot.”

  Eva laughed, her hazel eyes shimmering in the gaslight above them. “I had to go to the party with my dessert alone. I was so angry I didn’t talk to him for a few days after that. But I forgave him.” She touched her chest. “I knew from the very bottom of my heart he loved me. He just made a mistake.”

  Kayla shook her head. “I had no idea. You never told me.”

  Eva shrugged. “I didn’t feel the need to. I think your mamm knew something was wrong, but she didn’t push me to share it with her.” She folded her arms over her apron. “I made mistakes too. I hurt Simeon’s feelings and let him down at times, but he still loved me.”

  Kayla nodded as understanding wafted over her. “We’re all human.”

  “Ya, that’s right. We all make mistakes, which is why we’re taught to forgive at a young age. No one is perfect.” Eva’s expression became somber. “Do you still care about Jamie?”

  Kayla nodded as tears stung her eyes. “Ya. I love him so much, sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe.”

  “I know what you mean.” Eva’s voice shook. “I still feel that way about Simeon.” She paused for a moment, sniffed, and cleared her throat. “Simeon eventually found a balance between the firehouse and our marriage, and I believe Jamie can find that balance too. You just have to be patient with him.”

  “I don’t know how to make it work. I’ve sent him away so many times.” Kayla groaned. “He thinks I’ve moved on.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He thinks I got back together with Abram. Remember, he saw Abram holding my hand, and I let him think . . .” She rubbed her temple with her fists. “Why did I do that?”

  “Maybe you wanted to hurt him because he hurt you?” Eva cringed. “I remember doing that to Simeon when I was really angry with him. I wanted him to know how I felt, so I hurt him too. We all do it as a defense mechanism.”

  “But what I did was worse.” Kayla’s throat dried and her eyes stung with tears. “He said I hurt him the same way Abram hurt me. I broke up with him and let him down when he needed me most. He just lost his mamm and then I broke his heart.” Tears sprinkled down her cheeks. “He’s right. I’m just as thoughtless and callous as Abram was.”

  “You made a mistake, but he will forgive you.” Eva reached over and squeezed her hand. “Just tell him how you feel.”

  “But he was so angry.” She wiped the back of her hand over her eyes and cheeks. “I don’t even know how to apologize.”

  “Just give it a few days. Let him cool down and then go see him at the firehouse. Tell him you still care about him. And pray for him.”

  “Ya.” Kayla nodded. “I will.”

  “Gut.” Eva stood. “We should go check on our tables.”

  Eva folded up her step stool and stowed it as Kayla leaned hers against the wall in the far corner.

  “Eva.” Kayla touched her shoulder as they exited the supply room. “Danki.”

  “Gern gschehne.” Eva smiled. “And I truly believe everything will be okay.”

  “I hope you’re right,” Kayla whispered as they walked into the dining room.

  Sweat pooled between Jamie’s shoulder blades and trickled down his brow as he stood on a ladder. He was hammering shingles on the barn addition he and Mark had built. The only light came from a lantern sitting on the roof beside him.

  The moist earth filled his nostrils as he worked, trying in vain to relieve the anger and heartache that hadn’t stopped plaguing him in the days since he and Kayla broke up. He yawned, and his eyes stung with exhaustion. He needed to go to bed and try to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes, he recalled Abram holding Kayla’s hand. And her biting words echoed through his mind on a near constant loop.

  He was determined to find relief from his mental anguish, even if it meant doing chores twenty-four hours a day. His friends and family had tried to tell him he needed to work less, but they were wrong. This is what he needed.

  “Jamie?”

  He glanced down at his father standing by the ladder. “Hi, Dat.”

  “You do realize it’s nearly nine o’clock, right?”

  “Is it?” Jamie set the hammer on the roof.

  “Are you planning to get any sleep tonight?”

  “I need to finish shingling the roof.”

  “In the dark?” Dat raised his eyebrows. “Come down, sohn. Let’s talk.”

  Jamie stuck the box of nails in his pocket. Then he picked up the hammer and lantern and climbed down the ladder.

  “I’m worried about you.” Dat rested his hand on the ladder. “I shared my regrets with you weeks ago, but I’m afraid you’re still going to make the same mistakes I did. You need to find some balance.” He pointed to the roof. “I don’t expect you to finish all your chores and projects in one day. Some projects take days or weeks to complete. I once read a quote that said life is about the journey, not the destination. That means you have to enjoy each day to the fullest.” He sighed. “Mark understands that. Why don’t you?”

  Jamie couldn’t stop the chuckle that burst from his lips. Mark worked hard at the farm, but he wasn’t the oldest son. The one with primary responsibility. The one who had taken Dat’s wife from him through a failure to prioritize. The one who had to keep busy so he wouldn’t have time to think.

  Dat took a step back. “You’re laughing at me?”

  Jamie didn’t want Dat to feel as though he needed to do more. He wanted him to rest. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I have to get the work done. That’s just how it is.” Jamie gestured around the farm. “I have to get caught up.”

  “Jamie, none of us will ever be caught up. That’s the way it is on a farm, and that’s okay.” Dat paused, his eyes assessing Jamie. “Laura and Cindy told me you had a falling out with Kayla. I’m sorry to hear that.”

  Jamie blew out a deep sigh as he kicked a stone with the toe of
his work boot. “Ya, well, it wasn’t meant to be.”

  “May I ask what happened?”

  Jamie licked his lips as he contemplated how much to share. “I guess you could say I messed up. I missed a few of our dates because I was either tied up here or I responded to calls. She was upset. I tried to apologize and beg for another chance, and she gave up on me. She said I should go back to the firehouse because it’s my true love.”

  Dat was silent for a moment as he fingered his beard. “And what do you think about what she said?”

  “I don’t think it was a fair statement. I expected her to understand why I volunteer since her bruder was also a volunteer firefighter.” When Dat didn’t respond, Jamie lifted his eyebrows. “What do you think?”

  “I think she’s right. I think you need to make room in your life for a fraa and a family. This farm can’t be your everything, and neither can volunteering.”

  White-hot anger combined with betrayal surged through Jamie. “I can’t believe you said that. I thought you would understand me better than anyone.”

  Dat held up his hands. “Wait a minute. I didn’t mean that as a criticism.”

  Jamie folded the ladder and carried it toward the barn as his fury continued to boil.

  “Jamie!” Dat called after him. “James!”

  Jamie didn’t stop. He entered the barn and leaned the ladder against a wall.

  “Why are you so upset with me?” Dat had followed him and set the lantern and hammer on a workbench. “You asked for my opinion, and I gave it to you. I’m always honest with mei kinner. I think you’re making a mistake by not taking time to enjoy life. If you work all the time, you’ll never have a future beyond this farm.”

  “This farm is my future,” Jamie snapped. He pointed to his chest. “I’m the oldest and it’s my responsibility. That’s why I have to make sure the animals are fed, the cows are milked, and the buildings are standing.”

  “Ya, and it was my responsibility for years and years and years, and I missed out on giving your mamm everything she wanted. I was so focused on this farm that she died without ever doing the things she wanted to do.”